lifest is for haters. pt II

Oh lordy.

where does one begin?

My life has no significance. I don't say this in a belittling way, or a mean way, or in a way to make myself seem so small. I mean as truth. I can't remember the last thing I did that gave me passion, and I can't remember the last thing I did that made me feel like there was some greatness in the big ol' sphere we all inhabit. It makes me feel like a wilting plant. But in the plant's case he does not get water because I forget to water him, rendering him dead. In my case I refuse to do anything worth doing. Rendering myself dead.

Its not as if I have not had the chance to do what I want to do. The fact is that chances have come, and I have turned them all down. Amazing chances and I give lack-luster excuses.

I can't because -

• I have school {ha. goodone}
• I don't think its the right direction right now {as opposed to absolutely NO direction}
• Something came up this summer and it needs my attention right away {no, not really}
• I'm still trying to adjust to all of this in America { i finished my adjusting long ago.}

Do you know what I am really trying to say there? I can't do it because I am afraid I will fail horribly and that it would not even be worth it in the end. Yeah, that's it. Behind all of these reasons excuses lies the murky truth. I'mjusttoodamnscared. Thats it.

I went to lifest this week. it was...something. But I did learn one thing {that i always seem to learn there} There are alot of people with passion. It gets dirty, and grimy and hard, but they keep going because they know what they are doing is the right thing. I miss feeling that. So, I'm done with the excuses and the lame reasons why I can't.

because i can.

and i will.

{ i dont want to think anymore profound thoughts unless i fully intend to use them}

-bree

{ps- i have yet to unpack anything from lifest. it lays scattered on the floor. i keep thinking that if i keep it all packed long enough that i'll get a phone call asking me to go on summer tour}